OK so I haven’t posted here in months and months, I think. Well I’ve been working 7 days a week for a long time now, and I think I forgot what a blog was.

Dragonlady emailed me to go see her talent display on her blog, and I was reminded.. oh damn!!! I have people online that I love and I forgot all about them! WOW! Well I didn’t forget, I just got a lil busy.

So that’s the work part of the post.

Here’s the baby part:

I’MA BE A GRANNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My daughter Julie is 5 months preggers, and she’s having a mean little boy. See here:

So Diane, is it your turn yet? Anything from Steph? LOL

OK so that takes care of the work and babies… now for hte THINGS part.

Why the hell when I go to this site in firefox do I get a warning about the site from something called texashooker? Can’t reach the site at all. Splain, Loocy.

Babies, mosquitoes, ho’s, my Vaio that won’t recognize the TV tuner no matter how many drivers and codecs I load, people with straws in their mouth, the world with no gravity, my bathtub drain after a half a bottle of Liquid Drano, gaining weight and finding grey and seeing wrinkles and not being able to find that hot ass chick you used to be in the mirror, oh yeah, the price of gas, and on that subject, my Fury when it was running sucked the holy hell out of gas, siphoning said gas, people stealing your gas by siphoning- that’s double sucks, and I could go on but you catch my drift I’m sure.

You remember that nursery rhyme I’m sure- The reason it comes to MY mind is because I wake up every morning wearing just one sock when I go to bed wearing two. Let me ’splain-

I wake up sometime in the middle of the night, say 2 AM or 3 AM and am HOT! Yeah Yeah Yeah- maybe just a flash, who knows, but the thing is, if I take off one of my socks, my temperature seems to even out and I fall right back to sleep. Go figure. amn

So what does that mean? Without benefit of a dictionary I’d think it means that you are over a certain amount set. What I’d like to know is how do you get over it if it’s a limit? I’m so confused. OK, this is driving me to dictionary.com… BRB- Alright- there they have it described thusly:

the final, utmost, or furthest boundary or point as to extent, amount, continuance, procedure, etc.:

So without going BACK to the dictionary and using my limited understanding of the English language lets take final, utmost and furthest and see if they don’t conger up visions of going as far as possible. Works for me. So someone please tell me how you get OVER the limit. If we were talking about alcohol levels I’d understand but what I’m referring to is something I noticed this morning when I was paying the Visa bill. I looked for the total amount due; ( have to pay it in full or get reamed out by the I Don’t Speaky The Interest monster) and there by the minimum amount due there was a place for the amount I’d be over the limit of if I were to be- If you have a limit set how in hell do you get over it? Even a bartender worth his salt has sense enough not to give you that extra brew when he realizes you’re near the LIMIT. So how is it that a financial institution can allow you to be OVER THE LIMIT? Don’t they control the amount of money available to your credit card? And they wonder why there’s a credit crunch.

Assholes.

Corey says he thinks he sees sagebrush rolling by and David wonders why it’s looking like a ghost town around here so I guess it’s time to write something and continue to write at least weekly or put up a closure announcement. I don’t think I’m quite ready for that and there’s still another “angel” that would need to weigh in on that so I guess, at the moment, it’s up to me to write at least weekly.

It was funny to me that the very day I read Corey’s comment I had actually seen some tumbleweed on my way to take John to school. I thought it was kind of strange seeing as how it was on the feeder road of some highway. LOL I don’t know what the damn name of the highway is, Loop 360, 220, hell if I know, just the one that takes you to Pasadena or Galveston and Kemah. We went down it yesterday to go to Fry’s in Webster.

So what did I get at Fry’s? A new keyboard for one. Seems that even Mac keyboards aren’t impervious to having a full cup of coffee spilled on them. This new one is really great though. It’s super slim, only about 1/4″ thick and it has 2.0 USB on either end and of course is a little thicker there, but the action is great and I’m almost glad I spilled coffee on the other one.

I also got a couple of new games for the Wii. Super Mario Galaxy and big John picked up Sega’s Bass Fishing. We haven’t tried either of them out yet but I think learning the controls for movement on Galaxy is going to take a while. LOL I got DDR (Dance, Dance Revolution) a while back and that game is a lot of fun but I haven’t been able to get off easy mode yet. I swear if I played that game for 30 minutes daily I’d lose 20 pounds in a month. Sweating with the oldies sort of—

Everyone here is fine and SOS different day. I’m not sure what’s up with Mel. Maybe she’ll mosey on by and see this post and put in her two cents worth. I’ll write again soon even if there is nothing to write about except the mundane…

Surely someone remembers? Can you recall when you’d go into a store and ask someone something and they’d be more than happy to help you and if they didn’t know how to help you they would go and find someone that would? Can you remember when change was actually COUNTED back and not just thrown at you? Can you remember when change was counted back to you by a PERSON and not spit out of a slot? Do you remember when people could actually count at all?
Can you remember when the customer was always right?

If you can remember any of these things then you’re probably OLD- like me.

Mel’s penis post and references to bones made me think of a little conversation I had with my husband yesterday morning. He had just gotten up and was sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee and reading the newspaper, and every now and then rolling his head on his neck, and to me, it was obvious he was in some type of pain so I started telling him about Dr. Frank’s homeopathic spray for dogs and cats. I said if the stuff really worked like the commercials on TV showed, then I wouldn’t mind spraying some of my own water with the stuff.

He had never seen the commercial so I was telling him that according to their spin it would turn an old dog into a puppy and he said that he was all for that, if something he could spray into water would take some of his aches and pains away he wouldn’t mind using it even if he did have sudden urges to take a shit in the backyard or started shedding (although I hate to tell you honey, if the drain in the bathtub is any indication, you’re ALREADY doing a bit of shedding).

It was on the tip of my tongue to throw in that it might also give him the urge to bury a bone a little more often but good sense prevailed and I left that out. Now come to find out by looking up the link for the spray, they also have this spray for humans so he could safely try it without having to worry about taking a squat in the backyard or losing any more hair. I on the other hand would opt for the pets version just to see if my bone burying theory worked.

Well it isn’t often that I get around to blogging about something, and it isn’t often that I read spam email, but this is too good to pass up.

Here’s one I got today:

Melody,
Would you be surprised to wake up tomorrow morning to find you have a bigger penis? (link here).

Well yes, quite frankly. I would be surprised. Now, I suppose I COULD take that question two ways. 1) that I actually discover one morning that I HAVE a penis, or 2) that I wake up to discover the penis that’s been sleeping next to me for 20 years is larger than normal.

Either way, I would be very surprised.

So that got me to thinking. If number two happened, that would be just fabulous, darling. But if number one happened, well… would that REALLY be so bad? Here’s a list of things I would do if I suddenly sprouted a penis… in order:

1. Pee standing up. I’ve actually tried it once, but I ended up having to change my socks. My aim was terrible.

2. Pee sitting down with my penis dangling, because that’s how my husband pees.

3. Try on a condom to see if its really true that it “just feels better without it.”

4. Find someone to have a pissing contest with.

5. Find some snow and pee my name into it. (Do I seem obsessed with peeing with this new appendage?)

6. Do the willie dance that my husband always does for me when he sees me see him get out of the shower. (Elaboration would require an entire new post)

7. Donate sperm.

8. Try out my new selective hearing.

9. Get a promotion at work, since I’m pretty sure the reason I’m still in the same position two years later is that I do not have a penis, even though I’m better qualified than those who do.

10. Run for president. (I’m pretty sure Hilary has one, too.)

and then, after I did all that and got over the fascination, I’d go and have that bad boy chopped right off and donated to science.

The only time of the year I’m used to having a tree in my house is during Christmas so why in the hell can’t I find one for sale any place? All I see on signs are advertisements for Holiday trees. Well excuse the shit out of me but I don’t want a Holiday tree. I want a CHRISTMAS tree. Oh they look the same alright but if they’re not going to be sold as what they actually are I’ll be damned if I’m laying out good bucks to someone who doesn’t have the guts to call a spade a spade. I guess I’ll just go sprinkle some PineSol on my fake one.

I’m interested to see what they’re going to turn Easter into. amn

I just wanted to share this link with you, The blog of “unnecessary” quotation marks.